While wandering through the Mojave Wasteland, just east of the town of Nipton, you encounter an odd sight: a figure in a pinstripe suit and a trilby hat leaning over a car wreck on the side of the road. As you approach, you notice the man is a ghoul - and a rather hideous one at that. He introduces himself as Frank Kirby, a door-to-door salesman of NewClear nuclear-powered housekeeping supplies and appliances. His hoarse voice contrasts with his suave demeanor both in speech and attire.
Frank explains that his car has broken down. After a few other strange remarks, it becomes clear that this man is detached from reality and still lives in 2077, someday just before the bombs fell. It probably is a trauma response from experiencing the apocalypse firsthand. Nothing you say seems to be breaking through that illusion. Despite that, Frank seems to be an endearingly unassuming and unshakeably positive guy.
Frank expresses the need to hurry up with his last sales, so he could call it a week and go back to his family up north. He is concerned about their safety, given the inflaming conflict between the USA and communist China. He has three products left to sell:
If you choose a product, Frank enthusiastically presents its benefits, answers your questions and dispels doubts (as long as his salesman manual covers them). You can then buy it, but given his mental state, Frank will only accept pre-war money. You can also claim to know a potential buyer and search for suitable individuals in the nearby settlements.
As selling the last product finally allows Frank to leave, you are faced with a choice: either kill Frank out of pity, knowing that the only thing that awaits him at home is ruin and despair; try to convince him one more time that the year is 2281, only successful with Speech 100 (it will bring him to the present, but will also drive him crazy and make feral, so he will attack you); or let him go to meet his fate. If you choose to let Frank go, his story remains unsettled, with only rumors on the radio news about a madman in a pinstripe suit attacking people up north. If you kill Frank, the loot on his corpse will be a Happy Prospect Manual, a substantial amount of pre-war money, apparel elements and his merch, if it hasn’t been sold earlier.
Frank
EXT. ROAD EAST FROM NIPTON
As soon as you leave the town behind, you notice a peculiar figure leaning over one of the pre-war car wrecks abandoned on the side of the road. It is a ghoul all dressed up in a pinstripe suit and a trilby hat. A pair of suitcases rest at his feet. He waves at you as you get closer.
FRANK KIRBY
Good day, sir! Care to lend a hand to a fellow traveler? Maybe even give a good push while you’re at it? The battery on this ol’ faithful gave up. Darn those built-in cig lighters, am I right?
[OPT. 1] You mean THIS car? It JUST broke down on you?
[OPT. 2] Who are you?
[OPT. 3] I don’t have time for that. Goodbye.
FRANK KIRBY
Name’s Frank Kirby, proud representative of NewClear household supplies and appliances - bringin’ a nuclear quality of housekeeping right to your doorstep! Delighted to cross paths with you.
[OPT. 1] You mean THIS car? It JUST broke down on you?
[OPT. 2] Who are you?
[OPT. 3] What do you have for sale?
[OPT. 4] I don’t have time for that. Goodbye.
FRANK KIRBY
That’s about right! Bought it last spring. A trade-in, mind you, but it had served me up a storm until now. And wasn’t it a sweet deal, for a 3-year-old with that mileage!
[OPT. 1] This car is two hundred years old, not three.
[OPT. 2] Where did you get a running car? Do you work for Mr. House?
[OPT. 3] Good luck with getting back on that rocker you fell off.
FRANK KIRBY
Well, I like to think I work for each and every house and home in Nevada! And how else would I reach ‘em all, if not by car, friend?
[OPT. 1] This car is two hundred years old, not three.
[OPT. 2] Where did you get a running car? Do you work for Mr. House?
[OPT. 3] Good luck with getting back on that rocker you fell off.
FRANK KIRBY
Is this some sort of local joke I'm missing? You folks keep giving it to me, and I must say, you're a funny bunch and stickin' to it like glue! But why be so mean about an honest man's wheels?
[OPT. 1] I’m serious. The year is 2281.
[OPT. 2] You are losing your mind, ghoul. I should put you down before you turn feral.
[OPT. 3] Nevermind.
FRANK KIRBY
Oh, I get it. Times are rough, especially with those commies wavin’ around their nukes like they do. Sometimes it is better not to dwell on it. Or take it with a pinch of humor, like you do! But seriously, been thinking of getting a spot for my family in one of them Vaults. Who knows what might happen?
[OPT. 1] I know. The world has ended. Civilization crumbled. The planet has turned into a wasteland.
[OPT. 2] I was just messing with you. Here we are in 2077, when your car is almost fine and so is the world!
[OPT. 3] You are losing your mind, ghoul. I should put you down before you turn feral.
[OPT. 4] Nevermind.
FRANK KIRBY
Glad you dropped the act, friend. I’m quite in a hurry here, truth be told. Doesn’t feel right to be so far from the missus and little Willy for so long these days. I need to find new happy homes for the rest of my stock real quick and head back north. May I interest you in NewClear’s wide array of nuclear-powered household supplies and appliances?
[OPT. 1] You mean this car? It JUST broke down on you?
[OPT. 2] Who are you?
[OPT. 3] What do you have for sale?
[OPT. 4] I don’t have time for that. Goodbye.
FRANK KIRBY
Well, the array is actually three products wide at the moment, but I’ll eat my hat if each one ain’t the epitome of innovation in its own department, pal. Which will send your heart aflutter today: the magnificent Scalp Scraper, the revolutionary Gamma Mia! Sterilizer or maybe the enhanced Mommy’s Little Helper?
[OPT. 1] Tell me more about the Scalp Scraper.
[OPT. 2] Tell me more about the Gamma Mia! Sterilizer.
[OPT. 3] Tell me more about Mommy’s Little Helper.
[OPT. 4] Nevermind.
FRANK KIRBY
Isn’t that my sweet Betty’s favorite! Nothin’ better for your family's health than gamma radiation, I tell ya. Imagine your food, utensils and even toys becoming 100% germ-free with just one pull of the trigger. The Gamma Mia! Sterilizer’s nuclear magic brings that dream to life!
[OPT. 1] [Science 60] How do you ensure a safe vector of gamma photon emission?
[OPT. 2] How much do you want for it?
[OPT. 3] I want to pick something else.
FRANK KIRBY
It’s yours for the unbelievable 99 bucks. Given that it’s the only sterilizer device you will ever need, the gain here is mathematically infinite. But let’s be conservative and just call it a lifetime investment, how do you dig that?
[OPT. 1] [Science 60] How do you ensure a safe vector of gamma photon emission?
[OPT. 2] I’ll take it.
[OPT. 3] I know someone who could use that.
[OPT. 4] I want to pick something else.
FRANK KIRBY
I admire your thoroughness! Let me assure you that when NewClear brings its breakthrough innovations to the American market, it thinks of the children at every stage of the process.
[OPT. 1] And what exactly is it that NewClear thinks of the children?
[OPT. 2] I’ll take it.
[OPT. 3] I can look for a buyer for you.
[OPT. 4] I want to pick something else.
FRANK KIRBY
Wh-what? Well, you know… Their future, yes, kids are all about the future! And you worry, don’t ya? I know I worry, I worry sick, so what I’m really looking for here is some peace of mind and then I buy, no, I sell it to you… Holy mackerel, this wasn’t in the manual.
[OPT. 1] I’ll take it.
[OPT. 2] I can look for a buyer for you.
[OPT. 3] I want to pick something else.
FRANK KIRBY
Golly gee whiz, you’d do that? How remarkably kind! You’ve already made my day, partner. Don’t dilly-dally now and go make someone out there happy with a shiny new appliance, and your pocket heavy with a 10% profit from the sale!
